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onetreehillweb rachel

Sometimes we blind ourselves...

Interesting conversation with the Mental Health Nurse on Thursday. Aside from her joining the chorus of people telling me to finish this school year, despite me being so far over it is not funny anymore, she told me that I have become so used to anxiety that when I have a normal persons level of high anxiety I don't feel it. So when I do feel anxious... oh my goodness...

I am so highly strung right now. I have been trying to figure out why.

The pressure to go to Hobart for a stupid long weekend of paying for a hotel for three nights, paying entry to a stupid event, and watching my girlfriend and friend get drunk and hit on girls, while I sit by soberly because I can't afford to drink, comes to mind.

But then I thought about it more, and I realised I don't want to listen to my girlfriend go on about how hot some of these chicks are, when being intimate with me seems like a fucking chore to her. Yeah, maybe that's what is stressing me out some, plus the school thing. I told my girlfriend and my friend I am not going next weekend. I don't need to put myself through that crap. I might like to torture myself, but not that much.

As for this school thing, meh. I'll probably fail anyway... so what do I care? I might be smart, but when I can't be bothered to such an extreme level that I get stressed out trying to make myself do it... I'm probably not getting it done. Oh well, all I can say is I tried to warn ya'll, but nobody listens to me. "It's just four weeks AJ", "You're so close to an achievement" BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Whatever.

Just, whatever.
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Hey, if you want to talk about anxiety or your course, or anything? Please do. I have OH SO MUCH time on my hands - am only applying for jobs; and I've been there with anxiety and wanting to quit, and so on. So. Yeah. Am here. Facebook message me or something if you want to. :)
onetreehillweb rachel

December 2011

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