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Jun. 9th, 2010

onetreehillweb rachel

Writer's Block: Instant wish

If you could have one--and only one--wish granted in the next five minutes, what would you wish? How do you think it would improve your life?


I would be in Las Vegas talking to my best friend. That's all I want, and it would change my life regardless, as I will either have my friend back or have closure.

May. 14th, 2010

onetreehillweb rachel

Writer's Block: Mind reader

In three words, describe what's currently running through your mind.


Love is cruel.

Apr. 30th, 2010

onetreehillweb no regrets

And so it goes..

My Dad is a jackass. He is once again proving very effective at abandonment, but given his behaviour I am probably better off that I was never raised by him. I shall never repress my feelings for anybody.

Jamie is still missing in action, really don't know what is going on there. Miss her every day and hope that she is doing okay. I struggle with her absence from time to time, but I am just maintaining my faith in the fact that she does this sometimes and that all will be well again soon enough.

Well that's when I am feeling sane. I'm feeling sane at the moment, perhaps because I have some direction and focus professionally. It's been decided that I shall undertake a Cert 3 in Community Services and now we are just trying to work out where to obtain this certificate.

The psychologist shall be away for 4 weeks and has given me homework that I must do to help me progress further with developing my positive self esteem. I need to list 25 things I like about myself and come up with a short sentence summarising these qualities that I can tell myself as a mode of positive self talk.

She also would like it if I found a way to go for a walk most days. She didn't make this compulsory, so I think this is the one I really want to achieve the most. I also have to keep working on breaking down a situation and break through the negative self talk. This in some ways is the hardest, because it can be very hard to break through the negative self talk.
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Apr. 21st, 2010

onetreehillweb rachel

Positives.

So, the challenge has been set. emploding reminds me that finding positives, even when struggling is a good thing. I am really so anti positives at the moment, mostly because the psychologist and job network case worker both want me to focus on them, so of course, I am trying to be stubbornly ignorant of them, even though it makes no sense.

The past month has sucked beyond words, but the positives in that time that come to me in random order:

1. My semi breakdown made it quite clear that I needed more psychological assistance, and now I am getting that.

2. Icecream has been positive.

3. chatting with xena_and_gabby and emploding has been the biggest highlight.

4. Music.

5. Playing Burnout Takedown on a massive TV. Fun times.

Yeah I'm done.


Feel free to post your own positives, if you think it is something you want to do... I'm supposed to implore 5 people to do this, but I don't really care if you do lol.

Apr. 14th, 2010

onetreehillweb rachel

Your silence makes me hate you more

And And And - Karma

And and and another thing I’d like to say
Before I turn my back away
Is all this fault is not for me alone

And and and another thing before I leave
May guidance find you in your sleep
And shatter all your memories of me

Cos we don’t see eye to eye here anymore
And it breaks me down until it’s hell to endure

And and and another thing before I go
Your silence makes me hate you more
Your weakened way that I find pitiful

And and and another thing I’d like to know
Is who gave you the right to go
And fuck up all that’s good in you and me

Cos we don’t see eye to eye here anymore
And it breaks me down until it’s hell to endure

So you can step back out of this space it’s vacant for everybody else but you
So you can step back out of this space it’s vacant for everybody else but you
But you but you but you

we don’t see eye to eye here anymore
And it breaks me down until it’s hell to endure

And and and

We don’t see eye to eye here anymore
And it breaks me down until it’s hell to endure

And and and another thing before I leave
May guidance find you in your sleep
And shatter all your memories of me

And And And another thing I’d like to say
Before I turn my back away
Is all this fault is not for me alone
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Feb. 24th, 2010

onetreehillweb rachel

Dvd list thingy

Yeah so I stole this idea from Gabs, and she would have got it from someone else and so on and so on... basically the gist is to list all the TV shows you have on DVD. Regardless of how dodgy they may seem. I'd cut it but I can't remember how lol

30 Rock - seasons 1 & 2
Absolutely Fabulous - season 4
Bad Girls (UK) - Seasons 1 & 3
Buffy; The Vampire Slayer, Seasons 1, 2, 6 (half), 7
Charmed, Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4
Dark Angel - Complete
Friends - Seasons 8 & 9
Gilmore Girls - Season 1
Golden Girls - Complete (once I get the last two seasons from Dad anyway)
Mad About You - Season 1
One Tree Hill, Seasons 1 & 3
Scrubs - Seasons 1,2,3
Spiderman The New Animated Series - Season 1
The L Word - Season 3
The OC - Seasons 1 & 2
The X-Files - Season 3
Tru Calling - Complete
Xena; Warrior Princess - Complete

Feb. 3rd, 2010

onetreehillweb rachel

still waiting...

I wonder how long it will be before somebody close to me will actually stop to ask me how I am doing?

Jan. 22nd, 2010

onetreehillweb no regrets

...

bored now.

Dec. 27th, 2009

onetreehillweb rachel

Reaching out sucks.

So, you know what? I was pretty much right in my belief that I had no friends I could believe in to be there for me when I really needed it.

I may personally suck at some of the day to day friends stuff, but whenever someone has really needed me I have always been there - if they've asked.

Yesterday I realised that I have nobody to really be there for me when I need it. Not jamie. Not family. Not anybody else.

I have no confidence or self esteem any more. I am obviously not a good person when nobody has the time of day for me.

I give up. I can't be fucked trying anymore.
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Dec. 26th, 2009

buffy f off

My sister can get fucked too.

So my sister has apparently disowned me over the tiniest of misunderstandings. Gave my flat keys back.

This Christmas just gets better.

She can go fuck herself too.
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